日落時,我常有一日告終,可以休息了的放鬆感覺。即使工作未完,心態上卻像有個隱形按鈕被轉了一下,自動進入「省電」模式。所以雖然我四體不勤、五穀不分,但總覺得祖上務農的因子,套句小說中性作者的話,似乎被某一對染色體給遺傳了下來-尤其是「日入而息」的部份。也因此,特別是夏季裡,夕陽西下時,鄰人們等著鴿子回籠(倦鳥知返是真正發生著的)、看著牠們的羽翼在黃昏的天色裡拍動,映襯天邊絢彩非凡的雲朵,我會有種很幸福的感覺。
 
 
不可否認這段辰光十分短暫,否則古人不會有「夕陽無限好,只是近黃昏」之歎。短著短矣,美則美極。我幾乎都是正向的看待每日的這一點點時間。冬季裡白晝似乎一下變為黑夜,完全省去黃昏這段時光。只有在這個時候,關於「夕陽工業」、「美人遲暮」這類想去才會浮現腦海。
 
 
因為音樂劇Sunset Boulevard, 才知道好萊塢有這麼一條路。照片裡的日落大道,寬直又充滿熱帶風情。椰樹葉隨風搖曳,西落的太陽照得大道上一片金光、也讓兩旁豪宅的窗玻璃閃著光芒。對著一片燦爛,很想說「What a wonderful world !」,然而不行,一個追趕歲月的影子,總是伴著路名出現心頭。日落很美,日落大道有時讓人唏噓。
 
 
其實我並未看過這齣音樂劇,只在蒐集的韋伯精選裡聽過一些歌,知道一點故事梗概。日落大道讓我想到,多少名人紅星,眷戀著自己「想當初」的盛況?當人權勢顯赫,眾所矚目時,不會想到這些虛名可能一日而終。萬人空巷後的門可羅雀,即便外人看來都覺難堪,更何況當事人?雖然還是很有些人耐得住寂寞,忍得住淒涼,因此仍能自在的生活;然而這種智慧或體認,並非人人皆有。『日落大道』中有一句點出主角Norma看不破世事的執著,很令人心酸的台詞:「承認年齡並沒有錯,錯的是這樣的年紀想演20歲的角色!」。堪不破前景,繼而又不考慮主客觀條件,一心想做其實力有未逮的事,終究會是悲劇。
 
 
年華老去、日落將夜,是無法扭轉商量的;只有看待它的心態有所差異罷了。音樂劇的歌曲是動聽的,但是這樣念念不忘「只消一眼,我就如何如何......」,如此緬懷過往、沉浸往日榮光,外人看著這不醒的夢,只有歎息。
 

Title: With one Look
Artist: Glenn Close
From Musical: Sunset Boulevard
 
 
With one look I can break your heart
With one look I play every part
I can make your sad heart sing
With one look you'll know all you need to know

With one smile I'm the girl next door
Or the love that you've hungered for
When I speak it's with my soul
I can play any role

No words can tell the stories my eyes tell
Watch me when I frown, you can't write that down
You know I'm right, it's there in black and white
When I look your way, you'll hear what I say

Yes, with one look I put words to shame
Just one look sets the screen aflame
Silent music starts to play
One tear in my eye makes the whole world cry

With one look they'll forgive the past
They'll rejoice I've returned at last
To my people in the dark
Still out there in the dark...

Silent music starts to play
With one look you'll know all you need to know

With one look I'll ignite a blaze
I'll return to my glory days
They'll say, "Norma's back at last!"

This time I am staying, I'm staying for good
I'll be back to where I was born to be
With one look I'll be me!


ps. 才說到有人年華老去,聲名不再,卻妄想著還有一日會再站上舞台;卻在寫文的當天聽到Heath Ledger過世的消息。28歲,如此年輕的生命,卻沒等到人生的日落。

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